This class is designed to teach men how to live as clean, decent human beings.
For easy comprehension it is divided in sections as follow:

Part I - Introduction to BH (Basic Hygiene):

a) Doing Dishes - How to overcome trauma
b) Changing Underwear - it really works!
c) Vocal Science - You can belch with virtually no sound.
d) Advanced Chemistry - Shampoo and conditioner are not the same thing.
e) The Trash Problem - Don't argue. Just take it out!
f) How to put the toilet seat down - A comprehensive illustrated guide.

Part II - Know Your Limits:

a) Budgeting - (utilities and etc.) - Understanding your financial incompetence.
b) You - the fragile sex.
c) The Remote Control - Overcoming your dependence (group sessions).
d) Weekend and Sports are not the same thing.
e) In-Laws - They are people too.
f) How to go shopping with your wife without getting lost (Practical lesson in a shopping mall).
g) Your Closet - the unknown world.
h) Your Closet 2 - Trust me, your clothes are there!

Part III - Married Life - How it works.

a) PMS - Learn when to shut up.
b) The Art of Gifting - enough with the lacy bras and comestible underwear.
c) Understanding the female's reaction to you getting home drunk and then pretending not to be.
d) 100 reasons for sending flowers - Trust me, inside you there's a hopeless romantic!
e) Memorization Techniques - how to remember her birthday.
f) Learn to stay awake after sex - practical lessons with a blow up doll.
g) Advanced telephone technology - learn to call home to say you'll be late.

Part IV -Survivor skills - Your wife is away, what now?

a) How to feed yourself - There's only so much Ramen noodles a person can take.
b) The washing machine - what you can and cannot put in it.
c) The Microwave - After the dog, it's a man's best friend.
d) Turn off the lights, lock the front door, feed the pets - You're alone, remember?

Part V - Advanced Course

a) Going number 2 with the bathroom door closed - It's now or never!
b) You and beer - beer belly is optional.
c) Saying "Thank You" and "Please" - Breaking taboos.
d) Wet Towels - learn why and where to hang them.
e) You and Snore - Getting to know your couch, you'll need it!
f) Overcoming insecurity - let your wife borrow your car.
g) Chronological age x Mental Age - asking for a video game for Christmas might show immaturity.

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Mom to her son at the DMV "no u r not going to put darth vader as your midlle name on the form"

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Boy's response to his mom "but moooom, I do go by Darth Vader!!!"

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Why are ppl at public offices such freaks? pfff!

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Guy sitting beside me: "how do you like your iPhone?" Me: It's great I love it. Guy: "can I touch it?" Me: NO!!!

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I'm not even kidding folks, you can't make this stuff up! #fucktherevolution

For more info please go to John Mayers' Blog

Otherwise, how could Santa visit the Brazilian children, when there is no snow, no fireplaces—and consequently no chimneys—and most of the people live in sky-scrappers? Any ideas?

Well, good Ol’ Saint Nicholas found a way.

There are some things in a traditional Brazilian Christmas that are ex-actly the same as here: Santa dresses in his well-known red suit (probably hoping to lose some weight, considering it’s summer and temperatures are bordering 100º F, with humidity above 90%). Just as here, he rides around in his sleigh, despite Mrs. Santa’s suggestion that four-wheelers would make more sense in that climate!

Other traditions, however, are very different:

Christmas trees are always artificial, and even though the decorations are pretty much the same, it is very common to see some cotton spread over the branches, to resemble snow. I heard that it helps Santa feel at home (otherwise, the jolly good fellow, who is used to the North Pole, could experience a little depression in the Brazilian warm December nights).

The most unique tradition, by far, is that Santa visits the Brazilian homes a little earlier, on the night of Christmas Eve. Some people say that he goes earlier so he can have time to visit the Northern Hemisphere before dawn on the 25th!

In Brazil he is known as “Papai Noel”, which translates as Father Christmas, or, more literally Daddy Christmas.

Instead of stockings over the fireplace, the children leave one of their best shoes at the window sill (preferably a window facing the back of their home) so Santa can put the gifts inside (or around them if they are too large!). Luckily, it seems the reindeers have a great sense of smell and can point to Santa which shoe belongs to each child in the house. I have never heard of Santa mixing up presents! Strangely enough, nobody leaves milk or cookies for Santa (I think it has to do with his desire to lose weight, remember?).

The children, excited as they may be, are taken to bed as early as humanly possible, but never after 10PM, while the adults—along with lots of relatives who insist on staying for the evening—eat a hefty meal (something similar to Thanksgiving dinner here).

Exactly at midnight (provided that Santa didn’t get caught in Brazil’s famous traffic jams) the parents wake up the children and watch them run to the window to check what Santa has brought them. They are even allowed to go out and play a little with the neighborhood children and show off their new toys, bikes or games. After a late night snack (the adults always save good portions for the children), they are tired enough to go to bed for good.

Some songs are similar: Silent Night, Away in a Manger and others follow the same tunes. Rudolph, the red-nose reindeer, however, guides the sleigh anonymously, because nobody in Brazil knows that the reindeers have names, and I bet they don’t even know exactly how many reindeer there are all together.

As one would expect, some Christmas songs are typically Brazilian. One favorite tune is also used as lullaby to get children in bed as early as possible on Christmas Eve. It describes the tradition of leaving a shoe in the window (Deixei Meu Sapatinho/I Left my Little Shoe) and goes like this:

Deixei meu sapatinho
Na janela do quintal
Papai Noel deixou
Meu presente de Natal!

Como é que Papai Noel
Não se esquece de ninguém?
Seja rico ou seja pobre
O velhinho sempre vem.

Seja rico ou seja pobre
O velhinho sempre vem.

I left my little shoe
In the window sill, behind
Dear Santa Claus left me
Pretty Christmas gifts inside!

To both rich and poor alike
The old man will always come.

FELIZ NATAL!!!

It's amusing to say the least.

This is how it works: you take a simple dialog and converts to Dawson's Creek style. Go above and beyond, be imaginative, creative. Dream little. That's the true "Dawson's Creek way to be". And I know you've watched it before so you know what I mean.
Here goes a example:

Before DCDC
- Do you have the time?
- Noon.
- Thanks.

After DCDC:
- Do you have the time?
- Noon...
- Noon... When I was young, the sun used to have a beautiful and bright glow at this time of the day..
- Yeah... and our dreams were so innocent.
- I remember my grandma leaving a piece of apple pie for "her favorite grandson" - as she used to say.
- Our worries consisted in coming home to play. And now... now many dreams are broken.
- I hope never have broken your dreams, Joey.
- Dawson, you were the one that helped me mend many of them...
- Joey, If I mended your dreams it was because...

Example II

Before DCDC
- Are you a virgin?
- No.

After DCDC
Jen: What about you, Joe? Are you a virgin?
Joey: You kidding? Years ago. Trucker named Bubba...

You got the idea, now go on, try it!

31. Room for Squares would be a bar for nerds in Idaho

30. The Bucket list would have been a short film as they didn't know how to say what they mean to say

29. Trick Daddy would never have developed his secret love for country music

28. Melvin would not have become the first sub-6 feet man to look cool in a late night NYC video

27. My Stupid Mouth would be a newspaper by-line for politicians; the forum's yearly interview would be with the latest US Governor to get outed for lying about an affair.

26. Girls forced to dance with their father at high school wouldn't have a non-awkward song like Daughters to dance to (credit to Lorian)

25. AKOG would stand for American King of Gas and be a monster truck derby

24. Rob Drydek's mother would still be mad at him

23. Men would continue to describe women as "afternoon delight" rather than paraphrasing your body is a wonderland.

22. US troops would lose a key supporter and wouldn't have a great time in San Diego to look forward to.

21. Twitter would be less active and whole lot of people would not be able to smile, think of your comic posts or think "John Mayer" retweeted me on their bad days.

20. Josh Groban would be forced to cut his hair to deal with the unrestrained female attention caused by your absence

19. Bridgeport, Conn would not be where the blues was born

18. Jay-Z would not have been able to kill auto-tune without your guitar.

17. Far too many people would have missed out on the talents of DaLa, DRH and Pino Pallidino

16. Harry Levin's disciples would still be stalking Lindsay Lohan 24/7

15. Birmingham would not have a world famous B-ham choir

14. Pedamundo would not be a global day of celebratory drunken excitement and/or fornication the world over.

13. Lunchboxes all over the world now have a voice

12. ZZ top would never have seen Marty McFly's guitar solo burst into life and shock the audience

11. "Something's Missing" would be another name for viagra or a self-help course run by a 7-foot man with jarring teeth

10. Millions of people worldwide would scratch their heads for words and not have your songs telling them exactly how they feel

9. Tony, Alessandro and Bob would have died from overeating-based indigestion as they lacked the perfect fourth amigo to share their BBQs.

8. Chad would dream all day of the perfect artist to engineer sounds for and stare into a beautiful watch that never was.

7. SRV's coolness would not be broadcast as often as it is by a certain tattoo

6. Steve Jordan's mastery would not have been captured on Blu-Ray Disc or on youtube; there would be no born without bones!

5. Christmas would be duller with no JM shows and no interfaith cake baking shared across the world

4. Carl and Ben Mayer would probably have ended up operating a junk shop in downtown Los Angeles, selling fart noise toys and James Brond t-shirts.

3. There would never have been #Mayercasts- late radio shows combining great tunes and your humour.

2. Inside Wants Out, Room for Squares, Any Given Thursday, Heavier Things, Try, Continuum, The Village Sessions, Where the light is and Battle Studies (and so many collaborations) would not have hit the hearts and souls of millions of people.

1. Because for all the joys you give to your fans, you remain humble with your amazing guitar and song writing skills and are still so devoted to them.

Happy 32nd Birthday John!
(via http://risingdreams.squarespace.com/personal-written-musings/)

It’s always tricky to transform a well renowned book into a screenplay. And it wasn’t different for Mario Puzo and Francis Ford Coppola. Puzo cut the 446-page novel down to a 150-page first draft of a screenplay. This draft opened with Michael and Kay driving to the wedding, followed by a courthouse scene of Bonasera’s daughter attacker’s being absolved. Later on, a reedited version starts with a love scene, suggested by the studio, between Michael and Kay.
By the time Coppola got his hands on the screenplay, the story had become a joke. As he described in Time Magazine: “Puzo’s screenplay had turned into a slick, contemporary gangster picture of no importance. It wasn’t Puzo’s fault. He just did what they told him to do.”
Coppola dissected the novel and came up with his own treatment to the screenplay. He and Puzo, then, proceeded to edit the screenplay and a second draft emerged, now a 173 pages long. A third and final shooting script was running at 158 pages – which was a longer picture than the studio had imagined.
The movie is so faithful to the book that some dialog seemed to be copied and pasted into the screenplay. The characters turned out to be very similar to the original and few of them were cut from the screen version. The rest resumed to plausible changes made in any movie adapted from a novel. Puzo and Coppola were careful not to use the word “mafia” while writing and filming The Godfather. They didn’t want to resume in one word the whole complexity lived by the characters in the story so decided to work with what was essential to it. The focus is not always the family business but the personal and emotional matters of this clan. That’s what made this movie a success. That’s why it’s not another “mafia movie”. It’s a story about family, loyalty, crime and the human being’s capacity to change and to cause change. To find contradiction in this screenplay is a tough job. The pace is always adequate; every scene offers some sort of importance to the storyline, to the construction of the characters or just for plain entertainment.
Bottom line is, Coppola and Puzo were a complement to each other. I can’t imagine this film being so good if it wasn’t for them working together. Every detail (like when oranges appear in a scene, you can expect someone to die, or almost die) every action that propels the story forward only takes you back to the fact that this was one of the most successful collaborations in the history of cinema.
A Master Piece!

***This is a piece I wrote for my film class last year. The assignment was to comment and contrast The Godfather screenplay and the actual feature film.***

"I saw him kissing the pink Power Ranger..." LoLz! The more I watch Felicity the more I realize how messed up she is.

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Just saw Felicity insert a floppy disk into the computer. Not even kidding. It's like the ice age!

Felicity (talking to Ben): The truth is I can't be with you like this. I mean, I know I said that I could, but I can't. I just can't compromise myself like that. I mean I'm an emotional person. I feel things and I need to be able to get upset and talk about how I'm feeling. I mean that's just...that's who I am and I can't change it. I don't want to. And the thing is you know that, you knew it and you still pursued me because you want something with me, you just aren't strong enough to have it which...in a way makes you a coward. And the saddest part is that...one day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna realize what you missed and it's gonna be too late.

And even tho she's indecisive most of the time, I love the show!
=)