¤ø All Things Considered ø¤

By E. Carlson
Doctorate in Shenanigans
PHD in gibberish

This class is designed to teach men how to live as clean, decent human beings.
For easy comprehension it is divided in sections as follow:

Part I - Introduction to BH (Basic Hygiene):

a) Doing Dishes - How to overcome trauma
b) Changing Underwear - it really works!
c) Vocal Science - You can belch with virtually no sound.
d) Advanced Chemistry - Shampoo and conditioner are not the same thing.
e) The Trash Problem - Don't argue. Just take it out!
f) How to put the toilet seat down - A comprehensive illustrated guide.

Part II - Know Your Limits:

a) Budgeting - (utilities and etc.) - Understanding your financial incompetence.
b) You - the fragile sex.
c) The Remote Control - Overcoming your dependence (group sessions).
d) Weekend and Sports are not the same thing.
e) In-Laws - They are people too.
f) How to go shopping with your wife without getting lost (Practical lesson in a shopping mall).
g) Your Closet - the unknown world.
h) Your Closet 2 - Trust me, your clothes are there!

Part III - Married Life - How it works.

a) PMS - Learn when to shut up.
b) The Art of Gifting - enough with the lacy bras and comestible underwear.
c) Understanding the female's reaction to you getting home drunk and then pretending not to be.
d) 100 reasons for sending flowers - Trust me, inside you there's a hopeless romantic!
e) Memorization Techniques - how to remember her birthday.
f) Learn to stay awake after sex - practical lessons with a blow up doll.
g) Advanced telephone technology - learn to call home to say you'll be late.

Part IV -Survivor skills - Your wife is away, what now?

a) How to feed yourself - There's only so much Ramen noodles a person can take.
b) The washing machine - what you can and cannot put in it.
c) The Microwave - After the dog, it's a man's best friend.
d) Turn off the lights, lock the front door, feed the pets - You're alone, remember?

Part V - Advanced Course

a) Going number 2 with the bathroom door closed - It's now or never!
b) You and beer - beer belly is optional.
c) Saying "Thank You" and "Please" - Breaking taboos.
d) Wet Towels - learn why and where to hang them.
e) You and Snore - Getting to know your couch, you'll need it!
f) Overcoming insecurity - let your wife borrow your car.
g) Chronological age x Mental Age - asking for a video game for Christmas might show immaturity.

Posted by Erika at 05:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Only 5 more days until I'm on a plane to Atlanta to see my boy John Mayer in concert.
I.Can't. Wait.
=)
http://www.johnmayer.com/tour/show/503

Posted by Erika at 12:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

*After some time you learn the difference, the subtle difference between giving a hand and fettering a soul;
*And you learn that to love doesn't mean to support yourself, and that company doesn't always mean security.
*And you learn that kisses are not contracts and that gifts are not promises.
*And you start to accept your loss with your head up and eyes straight ahead, with the grace of a grown-up, not the sadness of a child.
*You learn to build the roads of today, because tomorrow's land is too unknown to make plans and the future usually falls from nowhere.
*After a while you learn that the sun burns if you expose yourself to it for very long.
*And you learn that it doesn’t matter how much you care, some people just don’t.
*And you accept that it doesn’t matter how good someone can be, they will hurt you once in a while and you have to forgive them for that.
*And you learn that talking can be a relief to emotional pain.
*You learn that it takes years to build trust and just seconds to destroy it, and you can do things in a second that you will regret for the rest of your life…
*You learn that friendship continuous to grow even with the distance and that what matters is not what you have in life, but who you are in life.

Posted by Erika at 10:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Going to the DMV to renew my license. If I never come back out, tell @johncmayer I love him! #mylastwords

----------------------------

Mom to her son at the DMV "no u r not going to put darth vader as your midlle name on the form"

----------------------------

Boy's response to his mom "but moooom, I do go by Darth Vader!!!"

----------------------------

Why are ppl at public offices such freaks? pfff!

----------------------------

Guy sitting beside me: "how do you like your iPhone?" Me: It's great I love it. Guy: "can I touch it?" Me: NO!!!

----------------------------

I'm not even kidding folks, you can't make this stuff up! #fucktherevolution

Posted by Erika at 02:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

For more info please go to John Mayers' Blog

Posted by Erika at 01:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you thought that Santa Claus was a boring, unchanged character, think again!

Otherwise, how could Santa visit the Brazilian children, when there is no snow, no fireplaces—and consequently no chimneys—and most of the people live in sky-scrappers? Any ideas?

Well, good Ol’ Saint Nicholas found a way.

There are some things in a traditional Brazilian Christmas that are ex-actly the same as here: Santa dresses in his well-known red suit (probably hoping to lose some weight, considering it’s summer and temperatures are bordering 100º F, with humidity above 90%). Just as here, he rides around in his sleigh, despite Mrs. Santa’s suggestion that four-wheelers would make more sense in that climate!

Other traditions, however, are very different:

Christmas trees are always artificial, and even though the decorations are pretty much the same, it is very common to see some cotton spread over the branches, to resemble snow. I heard that it helps Santa feel at home (otherwise, the jolly good fellow, who is used to the North Pole, could experience a little depression in the Brazilian warm December nights).

The most unique tradition, by far, is that Santa visits the Brazilian homes a little earlier, on the night of Christmas Eve. Some people say that he goes earlier so he can have time to visit the Northern Hemisphere before dawn on the 25th!

In Brazil he is known as “Papai Noel”, which translates as Father Christmas, or, more literally Daddy Christmas.

Instead of stockings over the fireplace, the children leave one of their best shoes at the window sill (preferably a window facing the back of their home) so Santa can put the gifts inside (or around them if they are too large!). Luckily, it seems the reindeers have a great sense of smell and can point to Santa which shoe belongs to each child in the house. I have never heard of Santa mixing up presents! Strangely enough, nobody leaves milk or cookies for Santa (I think it has to do with his desire to lose weight, remember?).

The children, excited as they may be, are taken to bed as early as humanly possible, but never after 10PM, while the adults—along with lots of relatives who insist on staying for the evening—eat a hefty meal (something similar to Thanksgiving dinner here).

Exactly at midnight (provided that Santa didn’t get caught in Brazil’s famous traffic jams) the parents wake up the children and watch them run to the window to check what Santa has brought them. They are even allowed to go out and play a little with the neighborhood children and show off their new toys, bikes or games. After a late night snack (the adults always save good portions for the children), they are tired enough to go to bed for good.

Some songs are similar: Silent Night, Away in a Manger and others follow the same tunes. Rudolph, the red-nose reindeer, however, guides the sleigh anonymously, because nobody in Brazil knows that the reindeers have names, and I bet they don’t even know exactly how many reindeer there are all together.

As one would expect, some Christmas songs are typically Brazilian. One favorite tune is also used as lullaby to get children in bed as early as possible on Christmas Eve. It describes the tradition of leaving a shoe in the window (Deixei Meu Sapatinho/I Left my Little Shoe) and goes like this:

Deixei meu sapatinho
Na janela do quintal
Papai Noel deixou
Meu presente de Natal!

Como é que Papai Noel
Não se esquece de ninguém?
Seja rico ou seja pobre
O velhinho sempre vem.

Seja rico ou seja pobre
O velhinho sempre vem.

I left my little shoe
In the window sill, behind
Dear Santa Claus left me
Pretty Christmas gifts inside!

To both rich and poor alike
The old man will always come.

FELIZ NATAL!!!

Posted by Erika at 01:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Erika at 10:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)